"Are you insane? Seriously though did you really really call my ex wife to complain to her that i stopped responding to you and that you miss her kids? That is the insaniest thing I've heard in a long time and I'm not sure if you thought somehow that would patch things up here or if your only goal at this point was to not be ignored. Either way... wow seriously! Seriously crossed lines beyond just abnormal persistence. After what like twenty texts seven some odd letters and a bunch of calls and voicemails went unanswered??? A Facebook message to talk about my daughters period??? Fuckin really? I tried to listen and be there as a friend and talk you through it, which in itself is crazy since im the one that broke up with you. In December actually, when i realized that you and I did not want the same thing. You didn't accept it at the time and so again in January... but i felt it was in everyones best interest to NOT SPEND THE HOLIDAYS AND A LONG BIRTHDAY WEEKEND WITH SOMEONE THAT HAS UNRECIPROCATED FEELINGS FOR YOU AND BE DISINGENUOUSLY AFFECIONATE AND LEAD THEM TO BEILEVE THERE IS A RELATIONSHIP WHEN THERE ISN'T. (so regardless of your perception of the timing of these events, we are now left only with the current state) i tried to be a sounding board and listen while you talked through it and after you blew up and yelled and apologized several times i was all done and STOPPED ALL COMMUNICATION, because it was the HEALTHIEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME, and you have now persisted to this point where I cannot forsee any possible reason for you to contact me or my kids in the future."
Maybe this story doesn't start with the text message. I suppose it starts with me calling Sunnie, or with me trying to get a response from Mike. My initial reaction to this text is "it wasn't like that."
The letters I sent went un answered, but he was still talking to me at that time, like, he messaged me and said "ive got your letters, I'm reading them." Those all happened the first few weeks of us breaking up. So they aren't really part of the unanswered communication. There were text messages that I sent and I didn't even know he wasn't talking to me yet. I went about three weeks without talking, and then sent him messages. Still didn't really know it was an active stance of ignoring. I called, and he didn't answer. Which was still odd to me, because he had always answered, or called me when I had asked him to. Basically, communication would have worked better than no communication. Saying "I think it's in our best interest not to talk" would have been more affective than just not talking. It eventually turned into a game to me. like, is there any memory we shared that will make him remember we were friends? I thought he was being childish and it was just so stupid for him to not be talking.
The crazy part is how different he is than how I saw him. I saw him as a quiet simple guy. I thought he had a good heart. Him acting as a sounding board and letting me work my shit out seemed like he had some sort of care for me. It made me almost think that his silence was for my benefit too.
Maybe he had questions about the relationship in December, but he didn't try to break up with me. I went to his house to break up with him. And we had that 10 hour crying session where he couldn't decide what he wanted to do. He couldn't tell me yes or no as to if he wanted a relationship, which isn't good, but wasn't entirely bad. But I also didn't get the impression that he was breaking up with me, I was there to break up with him.
He said in the message that he didn't want to spend the holiday together, but then we went out shopping for the kids together. And then I spend the next week at his house before coming back to school. And then he had me come down there the next two weekends.
I have this feeling of wanting to be heard. Like I'm tired of being used and abused and I just want him to know he wasn't some saint.
This is what I want to say:
I didn't think that calling Sunnie would patch anything up. I don't know how you could even think that was a motive or possibility. It was not about you at all. I tried to talk to YOU and not her about what I was feeling. I gave you MULTIPLE oportunities there. Your idea that stopping all communication was the best possible outcome is what is insane. No one deserves that. Use. Your. Words. All of this would have been so much better and different had you done that. Starting in December! If you would have used your words then, all of this could have been avoided. Instead, you kept silent.
It is not insane that I miss your kids. Turns out, my relationship in Battle Ground was with them, not with you. I mean, I think back now to all the time I spent with them, not you, while you took care of your own projects and hid out in the garden or in the garage, or with friends. And I was ok with that, because I cared about you and knew you were a busy guy. I hoped that maybe if you were a little less stressed or didn't feel so overwhelmed, THAT YOU'D TREAT ME BETTER. The way you lay this all out Mike, it sound like you just kept trying to push me away and that isn't what happened. I tried to break up with you, and you couldn't tell me if that was what you wanted to happen. You didn't want to spend the holidays together, but then we went christmas shopping for the kids, and then you invited me over and I spent the next week at your house before going back to school. (I even asked you multiple times if you wanted me to leave and you said no) Then I called you, and you told me to come down the next weekend. At every turn when I gave the option of me being there vs not, you chose to have me there.
I appreciate you being a sounding board and letting me work through my shit. I knew it was going to be hard, and it was, and I've moved on. But I thought we were friends, and despite not wanting a relationship, I thought you still cared about me, I don't know, as a human? I even thought your silence was for my own good, but how was I to know, since you weren't saying anytihng.
We didn't fight, we didn't do bad things to each other, I cared about you a lot, and yeah, you really hurt me. But I still never thought you used me, or even totally blamed you for what happened (even though I could have easily done both). I sympathized with what you were saying you were feeling. I could understand where you were coming from and I didn't blame you for that.
I am only even saying all of this in response to what you typed to me. Giving the whole break down of the scenario was unneccessary, considering I was there too. I know what happened. My messages and phone calls to you were about trying to be friends with you. To be normal. To be over the past. I was giving you a pass.
The danger in even writing this is that I suspect you're reading it with a tone of anger. I am not angry. I just hoped there were good and decent people out there. I thought you were one of them. And against better judgement I competely trusted you. I haven't done that in a long time, I don't let people in. That's the only crazy part, that I thought that people could be good to each other and that things in life didn't have to be so hard.
Calling Sunnie took a lot of guts, and it was worth it. We had a good conversation. And it's proven valuable on multiple levels.
What I did say, and where this probably ends:
"I could sit here and argue the inaccuracies in what you've typed, but it's not worth it. I am not crazy. The only insane thing was wholeheartedly caring for the wrong person/people."